Slip ups

I've been having some trouble sticking with the diet. I have couple of very good days and then I have a huge craving (no matter how much fruits I've eaten before) and I can't resist it. It's so annoying and I can't believe how easy it is to go back to those old patterns. I don't know what to do about it. Usually it happens when I'm upset, bored, annoyed, angry or otherwise emotional. I believe it's a way to stuff my negative feelings so that I don't have to handle them, I just go and eat my comfey-foods... And afterwards I feel even worse. But why do I keep doing it over and over again, even though I know I feel horrible, especially emotionally? Why was giving up alcohol, cigarettes, chocolate, coffee, tee so much easier? Should I give myself some more time and not be so hard on myself? It's just that now I'm eating all the foods I would have never eaten before while I was eating very clean but not all raw or vegan. Like pizza, chips, bread, and so on. It's so weird! It's as if I'm saying goodbye to those foods and having my last bite of them. I don't know, I'm just feeling sad for not to eat them ever again. I know I'm too hard on myself and don't give myself enough credit. I should reward myself with something nice instead of eating the crap. I found this device which makes noodles out of zucchini, I'm going to buy that for myself to make the most wonderful raw noodles, and I also want to buy me some kettle bells, I love to train with them. I was actually thinking of participating to a kettle bell competition they arrange here in Finland :)

Food journal Days 32 &33

DAY 32:
B- 1,5kg watermelon, 1kg peaches, 2 bananas, 3 dates 1250cl
L- cooked slip
D- 10 bananas 1000cl
tot. 2250cl from fruit

sleep: 9h

water: 5L

exercise: 5min hopping warm up, 15min HIIT- work out and 15min yoga&15min meditation after. 10km run in the evening in the Helsinki Midnight Run, LOVED IT!! <3

DAY 33:
B- 1kg peaches, 6 bananas 1000cl
L- 500g banana ice cream, banana-peach smoothie (4 bananas, 3 peaches) 1000cl
D- 8 bananas 800cl
tot. 2800cl

water: 3.5L

sleep: 9h

exercise: 5min minitrampolin, 12min HIIT-workout, 15min yoga and 15min meditation. 20km bike ride in the evening

feeling: Yesterdays Midnight run was AWESOME!! I love the feeling and the atmosphere in this kind of events. I get such an energy rush just from being there. I ran 10km in 1h 5min, I didn't run as fast as I could cause I was running with a friend who wasn't as fast as me. In the last two km I ran as fast I could and my friend got behind me, she ran 1,5min slower. After the 10km I could have ran a lot more! Maybe I'll even start to train for a half marathon :) We were already planning on the next years event, that we are going to Stockholm, Göteborg or Copenhagen to run :) In Helsinki there was over 6000 runners! I can totally recommend in participating in theses events if you like to run, even a little bit <3

Today was a bit hang overish day, as if the running and the cooked food wasn't a goon combination... I'm so proud of myself that I didn't fell for that cooked food temptation today, just kept myself busy with some cleaning in the house and we watched a couple of movies today and in the evening had a really nice bike ride and a picnic in the nature. I just crabbed 15 bananas and a bottle of water with me and off we went. That's what I love about this lifestyle, it's so easy! Leaves so much time for everything else. I'm still learning and adapting this lifestyle and I feel as if my mind isn't totally with me on this yet. It still craves for cooked food and all the things involving cooked food, like cooking, washing the dishes, eating with family etc. But I'm doing the best I possibly can. I'm trying to focus on this moment what we have here, not gripping to the past and not too worried about the future. Tomorrow starts the fifth week of my 8-week meditation program which I'm going through to heal myself. It's been a challenge too... Sometimes feels really boring to do them and sometimes I feel such blessing and gratitude from doing it. I guess it will become more pleasant every time I do it, from one breath to another. Yes, meditation time and then sleep, good night you all <3

Food journal day 29

Breakfast: 1,5kg watermelon, 1,4L orange juice 1100cl
Lunch: 8 bananas, 3 big pears 1240cl
Dinner: 10 dates 660cl
tot. 3000cl

water: 4L

sleep: 9h

exercise: 5min hopping warm up, 13min HIIT-workout, 4min interval skipping and yoga and meditation after. Riding my bike to the hot-air-balloon-ride 8km

feelings: I spent the whole day at home reading the threads in BG-diet group in Facebook, had a couple of clients and in the evening I was on a hot-air-balloon-flight! It was a gift from my ex-collagues, from the place where I use to work. It was a nice experience, I wasn't afraid or nervous at all, well maybe in the beginning a little bit but the flight felt very long and instead of 1 hour I could have done 1/2 hour. There was a nice view, everything looked so small and far away. I really got a new perspective on things and my situation, new thoughts and ideas and many things got clarity in my head :) The best part of the flight was the landing, we landed in a school yard and there were these children playing football and they were so excited about the hot-air-ball and asked all these questions. I love children, they are so real and open and naturally curious, I really have a lot to learn from them. I love talking with children, feel like I'm in the same world with them <3
The second best part was to say no to the sparkling wine which they served after the flight, and even the lemonade they tried to give me instead of the wine. I kindly said no to that too and opened my precious water bottle and filled my glass with filtered water and smiled. Saying no is no empowering, I get so much strength from it and feel like myself, I highly recommend that to everyone. The tradition is to drink sparkling wine after a flight, why not make new traditions and do a victory dance and munch on some grapes instead? :D Nice day indeed!

Food journal: Day 28

My smoothie for lunch, heaven <3

Today was 100% raw, so happy!! <3

Breakfast: 1600g watermelon, 60g gojiberries, 1,1L orange juice 1200cl
Lunch: smoothie out of 3 bananas, 2 mangos, 3 small peaches and three dates 1050cl
Snack: 400g oranges, 1 peach 250cl
Dinner: huge salad out of greens, cilantro, carrots, tomatoes, cucumber, cabbage, lemon juice and pine nuts 370cl
tot. 2870cl

water: 4L

sleep: 7h

exercise: In the morning 9min skipping warm up and 16min HIIT-workout, really intense! 1h walk calming walk in the evening

feeling: a lot better than recently. Food really effects you that way and I also feel good for treating myself the best way I can, no bad feelings on that. Had to mention from the food, I really don't like goji berries but I have them in the house so I'm just gonna eat them even though I know they are not allowed in the challenge. I don't want to throw them away either and I could do a lot worse right?
I think I reached some new level in my meditation this morning. I've been doing this 8-week meditation program and I am now on week 4, which includes listening to the silence around you while meditating. It really helped me focus on my mind and I really felt relaxing and calm for a while. These meditations are guided so it makes it easier to follow. Today I think I understood some part of the advice of this guided meditation was giving me: "Observe your thoughts as if you were outside of yourself and your mind and thoughts." It made me realize even more that I really can control my mind and thoughts in some part, at least not to react to them as I use to react, negatively and getting even more upset or otherwise down. It's kind of empowering to know that I am not my thoughts, they are separate from me. This is huge improvement in my thinking :)

Oh and thank you for being there you beautiful Bananagirls, you rock!!! <3

Banana-blueberry cereal, love this combo <3

My before and after

Hi everyone! I posted these pictures earlier to my other blog and it got so much attention and positive feedback I decided to post them here as well. I have to remind you that this is a result from two years time, cleaning my diet from all the junk food and transforming to high carb raw vegan lifestyle.

August 2010

August 2012

Before I was eating typical finnish diet, lots of meat, bread, eggs, dairy not to mention all the junk food, alcohol, cigarettes and so on. Today I follow high carb low fat raw vegan diet, and I give my best to be 100% raw. Even though it's not entirely the diet which has made me feel and look my best yet, I have to say that during these two months of following this kind of lifestyle has really improved my energy in my workouts and my activities. I have loads of energy to do things and I get more things done too and lots of time for meditating as well. My muscle definition has improved too very quickly over the last two months and I get a lot of comments that I have gotten smaller even though I haven't lost any weight during these last two months. Two years age i might have been somewhere around 62kg, I don't remember anymore and now I am about 55kg. I still have some fat to lose and I'm getting there, I'm sure of it :)

To tell you the truth I was actually quite amazed to see these pictures and difference between them, cause I might go several months looking myself in the mirror and not seeing any results or differences at all. I'm so happy I took this before picture two years ago, I decided then that I would look and feel awesome and do exactly what I'm doing now, showing the world I did it and this just the beginning! The before photo really is a reminder of the old me, the nails, the hair, the bikini, the apartment I was living in... Seems like I have changed so much as a person too, not just my body. I don't recall being so depressed or unhappy at that time, but it seems like now I have more meaning and purpose in my life. I do more things which I truly enjoy and which make me happy. You can see it written all over my face :)

Feelings and letting go of them

I thought would be a good idea to write and open myself up a little bit cause my feelings haven't been so great lately and I know writing helps a lot. I've noticed while doing the food journal in BG-diet group in Facebook that my journals begins to be quite long and even though I know people might like to read them in there, I might as well write here to clear my head a bit.

I've been feeling little bit lonesome and left out, and while I was figuring out where all those feelings were arising I figured that I have had this feeling many times before and it's got nothing to do with my lifestyle or what I eat. Its quite the opposite; people think I am interesting (at least most people) for leading this kind of lifestyle and being a raw foodist. What I'm trying to say here is that I'm creating all these emotions in my own head, it's got nothing to do with what other people think about me. My mind is playing tricks on me, like "you should eat like everyone else to feel more acceptable" or "you should get a day job so that people don't think you're lazy" and stuff like that. But I think it's a positive thing that I've come to notice and be aware of these thoughts and feelings and knowing that I am able to change them as quickly as they emerged in my head. It's all about accepting the situation and not trying to change it in any way. I am what I am, it's only coming to the surface and becoming more noticeable to myself and that's maybe a little scary to me right now. Things are changing wether I do anything or not. I just need to accept it. This whole process of eating only raw fruits and veggies is so much more than just eating, it's changing my thinking and my actions and attitudes and I can feel how the old me is trying rebel with all these changes and making me feel bad at times. Those are the times I need to write, go out, do some exercises or go jogging, walking or just do something! Not to think about it too much, just DOO SOMETHING!!! <2

Food journal and feelings

I've been on this fruity lifestyle now on and off for 2 months. The first five weeks were great, I was so motivated and excited that I've found the diet and lifestyle for me, and I was almost obsessed with it. I tend to have obsessions when it comes to nutrition and food because I love to eat. Food had become more to me than just a way to feed my body; it was becoming my reason to live. I didn't feel comfortable like that. And now I feel that my mind is freed from all the huzz about food and nutrition, my mind is craving for something else to dwell on. I'm still wondering, could this be the answer, this simple strategy for eating. And I feel my mind hasn't kept up with my reasoning to this diet and still wants me to eat those fatty nuts and seeds and cheeses. That's why I feel so emotional but just keep carbing myself with fruits. I realize I'm mourning for the foods I used to eat, and that may be the reason for my emotions. This morning I was feeling so moody so I put my favorite songs on and started dancing and singing. I was filled with all these feelings of gratitude and love, had to send some love sms to my hubby <3 All of a sudden, while I was making myself orange juice, this one song really got me and as I was singing it I felt teardrops running down my face and felt so emotional. Usually I would try to blog these feelings and get myself together, but this time I really let the tears and feelings come. And you know, it felt great! I don't know if it's all about this diet and eating which is making me feel this way but it's something I never experienced before. I want to learn to accept my feelings and learn to live with them, embrace them as they are and make the best out of them.

Here's my food journal for today. You can find these in the banana-girl-diet-group in Facebook but you have to be a member of the group to read the posts. Have a nice one and I will see you soon! :)

DAY 10:
breakfast: 1L OJ, 4 bananas, 2 pears, 1 apple 1200cl
lunch: 12 bananas 1200cl
dinner: 5 bananas, 3 tomatoes 600cl
tot. 3000cl

water: 4L

sleep: 7h

exercise: 5min skipping warm up, 20min HIIT-workout and some yoga afterward